I just found this on the Dogs On Acid forums, via DJ XO’s blog:
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
Speaking of evolution, M&M’S advertising has transcended to a new level of cool recently with their “Chocolate is better in color” campaign. I especially like “Green”, “River of Chocolate”, and “Kaleidoscope” featuring The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights” as covered by Iron & Wine.
VIDEOS [recent M&M'S TV ads]
AUDIO [Iron & Wine - "Such Great Heights"]
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5 comments
The article was hella hilarious, but on a more evolutionary note, this ounds like stabilizing selection to me.
I think.
Having known someone who, approximately 95% of the time, could tell, sight unseen, the color of M&Ms by their taste (and or texture?) alone, I find this just one more chapter in the on-going saga of M&M Importance in the Modern World.
(hysterical..thank you!)
It took me five minutes to stop laughing, this is great.
LOL. Ay yo… this is funny as ballz.
i luved this article! very very funny!
would u mind if i did this? i think it would be fun to try. ;D
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